Concrete isn't Murky

PS: Murky means that you can't really see through it, it's dirty!

This week we discussed concrete detail. After reading the Poem, The Artist by Charles Simic we wrote our own, do you remember poems and attempted to include an element of make believe and also several concrete details. Concrete Details are details that are specific and cannot be changed!

We are discovering that poems are really short stories but they should have Concrete Details so the poem can create a clear picture for those who read them. For example: If you read a poem and the horse is white, the horse cannot be green - at least in the poem!

Read some of the poems we wrote this week and see if you can pick out some
Concrete Details!

The Amazing Sky
Daniel J.

Do you remember the
car was pink and and i was in it
it was like the sky
the sky was blue, green, red and pink
the color was changing all the time
i was amazed and then something happened
there was a bike and candy falling out of the sky
then I choked because one candy fell in my throat
and then the bike fell on my head.

The Weird Dog
Mario Z.

Do you remember when
my dog past through a
gold car
he turn gold and he
was in asia and it
was night time. I
was waiting for him
to bring me a piece
of ham.

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Lejla A.

Do you remember our
black and white cat?
the day he died, the day
we cryed? Every day or
night he’d go outside, play
on the roof, fight with a cat,
He comes inside with a bloody
lip, and the other cat goes walking
like a human,
but limping,
and a pipe in
his mouth.

That Old Man
Zayra U.

Do you remember that old man
he had his clothes dirty and his
shoes were all with dirty and he always
could stream for no reson and was
mad at kinds and tried to make
kids cry. Well we never went to
that store and he had no money
but he was helping the animals cook
breakfast and the bunny had two phones
in his hand. Then a fish was talking
with a little baby I got scared. Then
the two bird were throwing snow at
all the parents.

Evil Car
Samantha S.

Do you remember when my car ran away, at midnight.
It ran away because it didn’t like my mom.
The car was mad so it didn’t start.
The car drove to Poland and was never seen again.
But we bought a new car and the other car
came back.

Summer Time
Aleyah E.

Do you remember when we went to
Lake Charles Louisiana? After lunch
My dad and I went to the pool but we
Always had to wait 30 minutes before
we will jump in. My father I will
stay at least for two hours hoping the blue
dolphins will rescues us! But of course
the purple mermaids would sit there
for 30 minutes and talk! Finally good
night!

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Claire D.

Do you remember the time when we had those stupid dresses
and played with our moms makeup
cherry red lipstick and hot pink eyeshadow
we scribbled all over our face.
We got in so much trouble,
but we just danced our way into another world.

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Stephanie H.

Do you remember the time when
we went flying across the
beautiful pink sky
and sleeping on the cotton candy cloud
so puffy and soft

Sunrise
Timothy S.

This reminds me of when day
meets night making purple skies
a place where dogs are wide
awake trying to attack me
all I have is chewing gum
I blow it up like a balloon
and fly away then disappear
into those purple skies.

Now I wakeup in the real world
as scared as can be because
my mom got me a little doggie.
But eventually I got used
to him now he doesn’t
even look like a doggie
at least in my dreams.

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Ciaran G.

Do you remember the time I crashed my blue ATV
In Wisconsin at the evening. And a airplane nearly hit me.

Untitled
Kim T.

Do you remember the time I was running
away from my brother screamed with
fright when he threw a big pink
teddy bear in front of me? Alone
at home with my brother, with
bright sunshine shining through the
window, screaming wildly for my
mother, until I collapsed on a
white sofa, fell asleep and had
a dream about a eagle with
a lion’s head, and woke up
screaming again.

The funny old man with the gas tank.
Amy A.

Do you remember a funny old man riding a red
dragon. He came to an old magic jungle
with gas in a tank. He found me inside a
tree trunk. He took me by the hand
and tryed to put me inside the gas tank
but I ran away to my secret place
in the jungle where nobody knows. I
was sleeping there until I was safe.